IAimToMiss on Xanga

Weblog

Monday, 01 September 2008

alright well me and matt had a well... very deep moment today... we were kinda mad at each other all day and it ended up me crying and shit... well as i was telling him how i felt i guess i made him feel like shit... he broke down and started sobbing... and i just... i felt like shit... i dont like to see him hurt and then i felt guilty because i feel like... i started it... we both kinda feel the same on life... were both tired of trying and getting nowhere... and i told him well... we took a chance on us... and never gave up and im glad we didnt.... i love him more than anything and everything..... we talked about how we loved each other ... and he told me hes love me more than anyone.... anyone hes ever been with... and i unno we both seem to understand each other... without really understanding... i know how he feels he knows how i feel.... were just working on the comprmising part... well anyways... i havent been to bed yet and im just..... emotionally drained... i love you matt...even though im not the best at saying it <3

Thursday, 28 August 2008

happy 21st bday to me </3

sorry for not writing.... the internet was down for a few days.... well anyways .... today im 21.... happy birthday to me.... and what most kids do on their 21st.... get shit faced.... im not gonna do why.... because i have no fucking friends.... no fucking money and well... im a fucking loner.... and to drink when im already depressed.... well its not gonna work i just... i wish i had friends... i want someone to BUY me a drink and not matt.... its different.... and its like when people ask me... its your 21st youre not out getting shit faced? i make up excuses which make me seem more lame.... uh i dont drink or.... were broke were going out tommorrow when truth is... were not and its like... last night matts like uh we need to clean the house.... and we got into a fight... because he friends wanna come pick up the fish tanks that were supposed to be out before i got here... which i mean is great i want those fucking things out but i was like.... im not cleaning on my fucking birthday... well then of course as usual i felt guilty about it and ended up folding up about 5 baskets of laundry and cleaning the living room.... of course... cuz when we fight i always feel its my fault even when its not.... and its times like those... that make me think he really doesnt care.... because ...well he just doesnt.... maybe he just doesnt understand... anyways i hate my life... i hate my birthday.... when i was 15 i never though id make it here... and here i am and life isnt any better promise =[

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

so dad left this morning ....when he came here i was happy but at the same time i wasnt i mean... he didnt think i could do it and its like... im just starting to get over the fact that i cant see my family....as much as i hate them and as fucked up as they are... i miss em.... and now i feel like im starting all over.... i mean we hung out which was cool he hung out more with matt.... and got to know him better which rocks cuz i dont see matt going anywhere anytime... so.... yea.... we got him a web camera and blu tooth using my discount at best buy =] and he bought me a blu tooth to.... hes looking at getting a puppy and me and matt decided for my bday were gonna set up the 30 gallon fish tank. =] which im excited about... i really want a fish tank... and for my bday i wanna get a car stereo oh and i turn 21 next week =]

Sunday, 17 August 2008

so my dad just called about30 min ago.... he was driving through indy... hes almost here and he didnt tell me a surprise i guess part of me is happy but part of me... makes me wanna cry..... i guess ill write more about it later

Saturday, 16 August 2008

Currently Listening
Punk Goes Acoustic 2
By Various Artists
Three Cheers For Five Years - Mayday Parade
see related

another one for today.....
so me and matt tried to work out a budget and now im uber depressed.... he makes so much more than i do and he doesnt want me working in a factory and hes prob right my body prob cant take the work.... well now im just fucking miserable because this isnt how i wanted life to be.... this isnt the way i planned it.... and if i woulda known it would come to this i would live shit so different

"why dont you look into grants"
"for what"
"for school"
"i cant even fucking afford to live and im gonna go to school?"
"well figure something out"
::goes in the bedroom to blog::

truth is i dont think well ever figure anything out... i feel like im going nowhere in life.... NOWHERE and this isnt me .... this isnt how it was supposed to end up and i cant help but blame my mom my dad and myself.... my mom for being the bitch she had a kid and wasnt able to afford school for dont get me wrong i love jesse to death.....my dad.... for kinda not being there my whole life and just.... i dont know....maybe not being a dad?vv and me for fucking myself up so bad... how did i ever let myself fall in this deep.... how did i ever let myself fall into a hole... i cant climb out of.... by moving away i thought things would be different... i thought i would live happily ever after....so much for that fairy tale.

browse entries:
older »

Top Tags

[no tags]

IAimToMiss

- Name: Brooklynn
- Birthday: 8/28/1987
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 8/8/2008

View full profile

Connect

About Me

I Play Way Too Many Video Games Maybe Its To Escape From This Shitty Thing They Call Life---- I Moved From NYC To Indiana---- By Moving Away From Home I Thought Things Would Be Different... I Thought I Would Live Happily Ever After....So Much For That Fairy Tale---------- Im A Sucker For Anything Acoustic---- I Enjoy Naps and Sleeping Its The Only Time I Cant Fuck Shit Up---- You Cant Be Alive When Your Heart Is Dead---- Im Random---- I Hate Repetition---- I Love Dinosaurs---- I Love Text Messages ---- I Cant Go Anywhere Without Music Or Feeling Like I Dont Belong---- This Is My Life---- This Is My Story---- I Dont Write To Impress "I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust noone but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." - Marilyn Monroe